Avocado Time is the best …
Face to face where you are all present, ideally in person, present, yet maybe online.
Moments you want to hold onto and savor forever.
When separated by space, time or a piece of cloth … there are still ways to strengthen connection and it boils down to evaluating each option on:
- Quality
- Quantity
- Recency
- An uncontrollable
Quality Improvements
Imagine water running through a pipe.
Water is life
Water is love
The amount of water represents the amount, or quality, of the connection.
Face to face is the best possible, with touching comfort, and other little options simply letting more flow between those involved.
Video calls, in real time, is the next best.
Audio calls, still in real time might be better or slightly below a recorded video message. No matter if we are talking using Marco Polo, Glide, or Signal.
Recordings always have an advantage of being able to re-receive them.
Ever seen in a movie where a character will watch a loved one’s video over and over, or call a number just to hear that special voice?
A picture is worth 1,000 words; more when you care deeply about the photographer for a great image allows you to see through their eyes … what was she seeing, where was she, what does she value?
Simple text can mean the world to someone who is longing for connection.
Thank you … or an improved thank you.
So satisfying yet the impact depends on the other points of evaluation.
Quantity
The pure amount of connection.
When his love language is Quality Time, he does desire a high quantity of high quality time.
If the quality must be lowered … quantity can be raised.
Instead of a weekly zoom call; maybe a regular morning or evening video message.
That would still be a slight quality degradation yet the overall quantity is similar.
Recency
Would you rather hear from a good friend yesterday or last month?
If you have a wonderful evening with a great friend three months ago … is the connection deeper or wetter than if that same friend sends you a text just now?
Relationships take work like it takes additional water to keep something wet sitting out in the sun.
Who do you care about, wish you have a better connection with?
Reach out, today & regularly.
Not out of obligation, yet out of a desire to be closer.
Ask Questions.
Share the mundane.
The beauty around you.
Thank him for being him.
Praise her for how she made your life better.
The Uncontrollable
With all that is within your control, there is one thing that is 100% not.
The other person.
More important, the story that the other person is telling himself about the relationship, connection, and the future of us.
He might have a demon he has carried all his life around abandonment or worthiness.
She might have scars from a past where she was treated poorly, the relationship ended bad and her world crumbled.
He might be a perfectionist and hold you to an unstated standard.
She might not know what her desired future is.
Past, pain & expectations lead to a story she tells herself.
Owning it & making it known can turn a hindrance in a relationship into a strength. Vulnerability is a key to deeper connections.
Doing a monthly budget is statistically one of the best habits that decreases the odds of a divorce.
Why?
It’s not about control.
When you do a monthly budget you face your world as it is today.
Then you set a vision for 30 days out … when both agree you have common expectations, vision, and a story to tell.
Yet just saying your desires or expectations once might not be enough.
Actions speak louder than words.
I listen to what you do more than what you say, or txt.
Yet without the words the pattern, frequency & level of water can be lacking. Your pattern of action impacts the story he tells himself, just as his actions impacts your story you tell yourself, but you are still in control of the stories you tell yourself.
There are seasons for all relationships.
Just like a venture, project or podcast.
It’s good to have extra checkpoints in addition to the intentional day to day activities.
Connections are connections.
Some are well worth fighting for – others are worth letting go – you have a role to play, yet the other person must do her part too.
The closest to you, the deepest & most foundational relationships have the biggest impact on the achievements you will achieve,
The fun you have,
The places you will go, and
The ripples you will cause as you sail through life.
Please reach out to each person who came to mind as a good example, share this, and thank them for being awesome because the world needs stronger connections … especially … in a distant world.
